After the rush-rush of the morning, with two boys off to the bus stop and one delivered to school, I enjoyed a peaceful moment alone. I listened to the radio, sipped my early gray, and drove towards my Pilates class.
On NPR, Diablo Cody was being interviewed about the new movie Young Adult, which stars Charlize Theron and for which Ms. Cody wrote the screenplay. It’s Ms. Cody’s second screenplay to make it to the big screen; the breathtaking and award-winning Juno was her first.
Ms. Cody talked about writing the screenplay and developing the character Mavis Gary, played by Theron. It was a fairly typical interview, and then, as they were about to wrap up, she added a short commentary that stopped me cold. Having arrived at the gym, I stayed in my car for an extra minute and listened, transfixed. In a few simple sentences Ms. Cody was able to articulate something I’ve been wrestling with, something that’s been on the outer fringe of my consciousness, but blurry and indistinct for some time. Here’s are her clarifying words:
“I feel like I’m part of a generation of people who are stuck in the past and are really self-absorbed. I mean, we’re actually taking pictures of ourselves and posting them on Facebook, and keeping in touch with people that should have been out of our lives 15 years ago. Obsessing over who’s getting married, who’s having kids, who’s more successful. It’s like we’re recreating high school every single day using social media. And it’s weird.
Sentence by sentence her points resonated with me.
1. “…stuck in the past…” This makes me think: Can we linger in the past and fully embrace the present?
2. “…taking pictures of ourselves and posting them…” She’s right. It’s weird.
3. “people that should have been out of our lives 15 years ago…” We grow up, we move away, we move on. Sure, some friendships last a lifetime, but how many of your cherished lifetime friendships came about because you reconnected on Facebook or Twitter? See also points 1, 4 & 5.
4. “Obsessing over who’s [got what].” Enough said.
5. “…recreating high school…” Lord help us all.
At the heart of why her words affected me so deeply, I think, is that I like seeing old friends on Facebook. I like knowing where people live and how many kids they have, if any. It’s fun to see that we all turned out okay—we grew up and got our acts together and no one ended up in a ditch by the side of the road. In high school, I mean, who could know? Even more, as a military brat my high school friends and their parents are scattered across the globe. We don’t have a common hometown where we bump into one another at the grocery store when we’re visiting our parents for Christmas.
But all the while that I’m posting and connecting and stalking old friends’ family photos, I find something disconcerting about the whole thing. I haven’t been able to pinpoint it—I’ve danced around all of the things Ms. Cody articulated—but I didn’t let myself look in the mirror quite so closely until she held it up in front of me.
What do you think? Does social media encourage us to become more self-focused, to concentrate on putting our shiniest, best self forward, to the detriment of authenticity with others? Does it drag us into envy and tether us to the past with consequences for our current social and emotional growth?
I think I’ll go ask my friends on Facebook.
Interesting. Things have definitely changed since our parents were our age. And they will change again, dramatically by the time our kids are our age.
I guess I don't pay all that much attention to Facebook but I totally understand what you and Diablo Cody are saying. The thing I am weirded out about more is when people know all about me because they read my blog. I mean, it is exactly what I want, right? But we meet in real life and we don't know what to talk about because they already know what I am up to so don't really need to ask. It is awkward until they say, "Oh yes, I read your blog." Then I know to just focus on them. 🙂
I think we are in a time of transition where we are uncomfortable with social media and don't quite know the rules yet as they apply to our real lives.