Category Archives: blog blast

A Girl’s Gotta Have…

September 20, 2008blog blast, books, family, mediaKirsetin

When I read David McCullough’s John Adams a few years ago, I felt immeasurably inadequate to the likes of Abigail Adams. If reading big old biographies isn’t your thing, HBO has done a fine job of producing the DVD mini-series, which I highly recommend. Whenever I think I’ve had a bad week, all I have to do is remember Abigail Adams.

Her husband’s business travel made most of ours—except for military spouses—pale by comparison. She worked the fields, raised her children, stood for independence and lived without any of the things we take for granted: heat in our bedrooms, washing machines in our laundry rooms, ovens in our kitchen, vaccinations for our children, and Starbucks on every corner. Ah, the ways the world has changed.

If you jump forward a few generations, my grandmother had heat and some vaccinations for her kids. But in her early years of raising four children she didn’t have a washer or dryer. And when she passed away a few years ago she still didn’t have a dishwasher.

My grandfather was a wonderful man, but certainly a man of his generation. Child care, cooking, and cleaning were all my grandmother’s responsibility. Her four children were born in five and a half years. Cloth diapers, nighttime duty, and all of the rest were solely up to her.

By the time her children grew up, of course, the world had begun to change. As young adults, her kids enjoyed many of the same the conveniences we still take for granted. My parents, aunts, and uncles all had dishwashers and by the time I was in high school, most of them had microwaves, too. Several of the women in my family had jobs outside of the home and some, some I say, of the dads chipped in a bit more around the house. Things were looking up.

But, ladies, we’ve got it made. Our kids don’t die of smallpox, we can throw a load of clothes in the washer—and it gets clean while we do something else. Not only can we brew a hot cup of java in our own kitchen, we can pop out to the nearest coffee shop if we need a change of a pace. Most of us have two cars, we have TVs and computers, and we can even bring the movies to our own big screens if we want.

When I think about the things I wouldn’t want to trade, my very rational self has two very different responses. The first screams for the practical: I want vaccines for my children. Heat. Indoor plumbing for our family of five. A stove and oven and refrigerator. And I don’t even want to consider life without a washing machine.

But there’s the just-for-the-pleasure-of-it side, too. My iPhone, for one. L-O-V-E it. Can’t say enough good things about why I never want to give it back. A nice cold diet pepsi, which may yet kill me, but sure does hit the spot during a stressful day. How about the incredible, wonderful convenience of hitting a little button to unlock your car door? See, friends, I am just old (and frugal) enough that when I had my first baby, in the frozen tundra, I still had to unlock with a key. I lived through it and have appreciated that little button ever since. And pay at the pump? Beautiful. Abigail Adams wouldn’t believe it.

What about you? Is there a modern convenience you can’t live without?

Join the Blog Blast at Parent Bloggers Network and let us know. This week’s contest is sponsored by Yoplait Kids, which my boys wouldn’t like to live without!

A Dollar Saved is a Dollar Earned or Do You Really Need That New iPod…

September 12, 2008blog blast, finances, kidsKirsetin

Back in the days of Ramen noodles and free happy hour hors d’oeuvres my husband and I didn’t give much thought to the kids we’d have one day or how we’d teach them about money. We just earned our money, saved what we could, spent what we had to, and enjoyed the rest. But after many years of earning and budgeting for two, then three, then four, and now five of us, we figured that we’d better start teaching these kids that we don’t harvest money from our garden or pick it from trees, at least not in our backyard. Better yet, even if our kids could pull money out of thin air, we realized that we’d want them to be fiscally responsible and to be good stewards. How, we wondered, could we get there? How could we teach them not to waste financial resources by constantly upgrading to the shiniest new toy on the block? How could we teach them the value of paying for things in cash and avoiding debt, when the world around them is awash in it, and the proverbial Joneses always have the latest, coolest woody wagon (or brand-new convertible)?

We started slow. Admittedly, it wasn’t hard to teach that you can’t have everything you want when we didn’t have the resources to pay for it. I suppose we could’ve charged it all but, thankfully, neither of us is wired that way. But as our paychecks grew and we could afford to buy more, we had to make a conscious choice—to develop parameters, actually—about what we would buy and when. Figuring this out for ourselves was the first step in helping our kids become financially savvy. It’s a cliché’ because it’s true: model, model, model. Our kids learn by our example. (That’s what I tell myself, anyway, as I drive around in my fine, fancy 1999 mini-van. If they all drive shiny new cars when they’re older, I’ll have to recant.)

One of the first decisions we made was that, in our house, chores are not tied to pay. The kids have jobs they do on a regular basis that have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with money. There are other jobs, however, jobs above and beyond making their beds and setting the table and clearing up after dinner, for which they can earn money. Washing the car will net them about five bucks. Picking up after the dog is usually $2. If it’s been a few days, though, that is definitely negotiable, which has helped them understand that if you’re willing to do hard (or gross) work that others want to avoid, you can charge a premium. Yep, I’ll pay extra for that.

As we were trying to figure all of this out, somehow I stumbled upon Mary Hunt’s book Debt-Proof Your Kids, and I loved it. Almost all of what she says resonated with me, including her crazy idea of paying kids a salary when they reach a certain age, in exchange for shifting some expenses to them. The idea isn’t that their salary adds to what comes out of your pocket—it just transfers it to them. For example, our kids begin getting a salary when they’re in the 5^th grade. Included in their new responsibilities is paying for birthday gifts for friends, treats if they go to the movies with a friend, and school skating parties. (Don’t worry, we’re not Scrooge. We still buy the popcorn when we go to the movies as a family.) The lessons here are invaluable. Too much spending on yourself = looking like a cheapskate when you get invited to two birthday parties in a month. Budget, boys, budget!

Of course, this idea is much more difficult in practice than it sounds on paper. Standing by and watching our eldest blow cash on completely useless junk—while remaining silent and waiting for the hard lesson later—is almost physically painful. Seeing things somehow work out when he gets money in the mail from a grandparents just before he needs it is nearly equally painful—hard lesson averted, much to our chagrin. But over time, the lessons sink in, and we’re very hopeful that our kids, like Mary Hunt’s, will grow up to understand the value of the dollar, budget well, give generously, and avoid debt like the plague.

Perhaps the most unexpected and pleasant side-affect of this plan is the trickle-down effect. While our eldest suffers, our younger two boys watch and learn. Although they aren’t yet receiving a salary, they get plenty of cash from gift-happy grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Both of them prefer, thus far, to spend a little and bank a lot. It’s a good start, and we hope it holds.

In the meantime, we still buy birthday gifts for their friends.

I wrote this post to participate in this week’s blog blast at Parent Bloggers Network. Speaking of generous giving, Capital One is the sponsor this week and they’re giving away three iPhones. Enter the blog blast yourself for a chance to win!

A New Beginning

August 22, 2008back to school, blog blastKirsetin

Fisherman sweaters, wool skirts, brisk air, and football games all add up to one thing: back-to-school. The fall has always been my favorite season, and it’s as much tied up with the emotion of “new” as it is my love of the crisp weather and turning leaves.

For me, back-to-school often meant being the new girl, buoyed by my mom’s pep talks about all of the new friends and exciting opportunities that were ahead. Mostly, she was right. Whether it was North Carolina, Virginia or Pennsylvania, I always did make good friends, and we always had some exciting adventures, although my parents weren’t always so happy about those. I think there were days (years?) when my mom would’ve kept me behind these bars if she could have!

But even though I eventually made new friends, it doesn’t mean the first day, week, or month was easy. I can still hear my mom’s advice, so clearly, to “look people in the eye in the hallway and say hello.” Ouch. It was a lot harder than it sounds.

And sometimes, I wasn’t the new girl. We usually stayed in one place for three years, which meant that for two of those, I already had friends. Those beginnings were so much easier, so anticipated, fun even. Middle school, of course, was painful no matter what. I had to call my friend Michelle to be sure we were wearing our matching jeans and Vans; so lame, but I swear it’s true. And we really did think we were so very cool. My oldest son is approaching that age now, and when I think about how influential my peers were, how much what they thought mattered, it scares me to no end. Please, Lord, let him have better judgment than I did. I don’t want to have to wish him behind bars!

When I think back to all those years of fresh beginnings, new teachers, and new classrooms, I look at my boys and wonder what they’re feeling deep down inside. They’ve lived here all of their school lives, and are happy to get back to the routine and see their old friends. They don’t have that “who will I eat with in the cafeteria” trauma with which I was more than a passing acquaintance. When they find out who their teachers are, they know them. They know if they’re strict or funny or downright boring. In all of these ways, my children have the advantage. Quite often, I knew none of that.

And yet they haven’t had the experience of testing themselves, either. I wonder if they know they can make new friends, no matter where they live. I wonder if they know that looking people in the eye and saying “hello” really does work. I wonder if they realize that there are so many cultures within our own borders that it’s downright astounding. And I wonder if they’re sensitive to the new kids. We’ve talked about it, of course. I’ve made sure that they’ve heard it ad nauseam: it’s hard to be new; try to remember their names; say “hello,” even if you’re not going to be best buddies. And you never know. Your future best buddy might be moving here right now; you better be nice to him!

Welcome back to school!

This post was written for a Parent Bloggers Network contest sponsored by Hanes.