Category Archives: books

I’m Cheering for You Nic Sheff.

                          Nic,

I don’t even know you and you’re breaking my heart.  I’m not your mother, or your friend, or your mother’s friend.  I don’t live in the same town or the same state; I didn’t go to the same schools; I don’t have any experience with drug addiction.  We’re not even close in age – you weren’t born until the year I started high school.  There’s really no reason for  me to feel connected to you, other than the fact that I have sons.  But I do.  I do feel connected.  And my heart is breaking, all over again.
– Me
About a year ago, I read David Sheff’s book, beautiful boy.  In it, he describes the joy he and his wife felt at having their son.

“We are among the first generation of self-conscious parents.  Before us, people had kids.  We parent.  We seek out the best for our children – the best stroller and car seat recommended by Consumer Reports – and fret over every decision about their toys, diapers, clothes, meals, medicine, teething rings, inoculations, and just about everything else.”

He goes on to describe Nic as a toddler:

“Nic is a natural architect and builder, constructing sprawling block, Duplo, and Lego Lilliputs…He scoots around the house on a big-wheeled tricycle and, on the red-brick front patio, in a plastic sky-blue convertible, a gift from my parents, which he powers like a Flintstones car with high-top sneakered feet.”

David Sheff describes reading books to his son over and over again – so often that he memorizes them.  He describes a trip to Yosemite and playing board games, and all of the other parent-child interactions we fit into our lives, all of those things, big and little, that we do to help our children grow up into strong and secure adults.
Except Nic didn’t.
David Sheff continues:

“I tried everything I could to prevent my son’s fall into meth addiction.  It would have been no easier to have seen him strung out on heroin or cocaine, but as every parent of a meth addict comes to learn, this drug has a unique, horrific quality…Nic claimed that he was searching for meth his entire life.  ‘When I tried it for the first time,’ he said, ‘that was that’.”

As you can imagine, I am sobbing before I get through Chapter 1.  Sheff does a beautiful job of describing his beautiful boy, and in his description, I see not only Nic, but all boys.  I break down in a river of tears, thinking of all of the life and energy and love I have poured into my own three boys.  I am reading the now blurry words and wondering if this could happen to one of my sweet babies, too.

Nic Sheff got clean, for awhile, and also wrote a book, in which he tells the story from his point of view.  I read Tweak shortly after I finished beautiful boy.  In Tweak, Nic describes a childhood spent careening towards addiction, starting with this incident when he was a year younger than my oldest son.
“When I was eleven my family went snowboarding up in Tahoe, and a friend and I snuck into the liquor cabinet after dinner. We poured a little bit from each bottle into a glass, filling it almost three-quarters of the way with the different-colored, sweet-smelling liquid. I was curious to know what it felt like to get good and proper drunk. The taste was awful. My friend drank a little bit and stopped, unable to take anymore. The thing was, I couldn’t stop.
I drank some and then I just had to drink more until the whole glass was drained empty. I’m not sure why. Something was driving me that I couldn’t identify and still don’t comprehend.”
He goes on to vividly describe his fall into the dark underbelly of San Francisco, a city I love like no other.  Listening to him struggle, listening to him describe the pain, and ecstasy, of his experience—his life—with such raw emotion, made me weep all over again.
Long after I turned their final pages, these books have stayed with me, haunted me, almost.  I have thought about David and Nic and their lives and their struggles; I’ve thought about the whys and the hows and the what ifs; I’ve thought about choices and genetics and fate; I’ve wondered if he’ll ever really be clean.
And today I read this.  Nic relapsed last May, and again in December.  These are not, by far, his first two, or his worst two, relapses.  But the news is discouraging and disheartening.  Still.  Still relapsing.  The whys re-emerge, they grab me and force me to look at my boys with fresh eyes.  I am vigilant, fighting for my boys, watching and praying and hoping that they remain unscathed by this horrific mess called meth.
And I’m still cheering for you Nic.  Still cheering.

Book Reviews: My Top 10 Recommendations for Children’s Books

I have been a reader for as long as I can remember, and I’m sorry to say that I do, indeed, remember the Dick and Jane books.  Okay, sure, I must have been on the tail end of that era, but still.  Do you remember them?  Didn’t think so.

In honor of March being Reading Month, and despite of how I feel about choosing one day or one month to honor something we ought to give attention to every day of the year, I thought I’d share some of my favorite picks for books to read with your kids.  These are primarily books for elementary schools children, with the possible exception of Harry Potter (although my kids loved them in elementary school.)  That said, my older boys (10 and 12) still enjoy listening when I read these to their 6-year old brother.  Some books, however easy to read, are timeless.

My Top Ten Picks

The Magic Tree House Series (Mary Pope Osborne).  These aren’t what I would consider timeless or great literature, but my kids love them.  I like that Jack and Annie go on adventures that teach my kids a few facts, keep them engaged, and create a strong desire to find out what happens next.  My only complaint is that she’s partial to incomplete sentences, like “Absolutely still.”  It’s got great rhythm, but I watched both of my older kids emulate her style when they began writing in school.  It’s hard to explain, “That’s not a complete sentence,” when they’ve been reading that style for years.  Still, good adventures, lots of facts, encourages kids to read:  can’t complain.

The A to Z Mysteries (Ron Roy).  This series follows three young friends who solve mysteries in small town America.  As my kids listen, they try to solve the mystery before Dink, Josh, and Ruth Rose do.  My middle son was more taken with these than with the Magic Tree House books, so we read them all, starting with The Absent Author

The Cricket In Times Square (George Selden).  I fell into this book as a child and didn’t want to emerge.  I loved the characters and the excitement and the description of far away, exotic New York City.  I loved that the author took me there, right along with Tucker Mouse and Harry Cat.  I read this aloud to my kids a couple of summers ago.  It’s one of those timeless books that works for younger and older kids alike.  I didn’t mind re-reading it, either.  Selden’s related book, Tucker’s Countryside, is also worth a look.

The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett).  As a fourth grader, I started this book and didn’t make it past the first chapter.  Everyone was dying of cholera.  B-o-r-i-n-g.  I picked it up three more times before I forced myself to go onto Chapter 2.  And then I couldn’t put it down.  I’ve read and re-read this book to myself at least ten times, and now I’m reading it with my kids, too.

Eloise (Kay Thompson).  The original.  She’s one of a kind, living life and learning from it.  What’s not to like?  Easy to read and re-read.

Oliva (Ian Falconer).  I love this pig.  In fact, she reminds me a bit of Eloise.  This is one of those books I am willing to read night after night, and I rarely tire of it.  When I do, we go for Olivia Helps With Christmas or Olivia…and the Missing Toy.  Really, you can’t miss with these books.

Auntie Claus (Elise Primavera).  My sister-in-law bought this for one of my boys years ago, and it quickly became a household favorite.  Because of the obvious theme, we usually read it a million times in December, and a few times throughout the rest of the year.  Funny, quirky, well done.  I like it.

Half Magic (Edward Eager).  This is another one of those books I loved as a child and brought into the lives of my own kids.  I read it aloud to all of them, and the older two have re-read it many times since.  In it, four siblings find an old coin, which turns out to be a magic charm.  Their adventures and Eager’s writing are fantastic.  Run out and get this one.

Harry Potter–entire series (J. K. Rowling).  Do I even need to make a comment here?  If so, I guess it’s this:  I read the first book merely as a parental preview.  I wanted to be sure the themes were appropriate for my son, at his age and stage in life.  I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough.  Like so many others, I pre-ordered and went to book release parties, and debated what would happen next.  Would good triumph over evil?  Did she sell over 400 million copies?

The Magician’s Nephew (C.S. Lewis).  This is the first book in the popular Chronicles of Narnia series, but it’s far less hyped than its sequel, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.  The Magician’s Nephew lays the groundwork for all that’s to follow, and has long been one of my favorites.  Even if your kids have already seen the new movies, this one is worth a read.  If they like it, go for the series.  These are great books.

So, March, April, May…in every month, on any day, choose one.  Choose two.  Read ’em all to your kids:  satisfaction (almost) guaranteed.

Do you or your kids have a favorite that I missed?  Please add it to the comments, so we can check it out!

Reading to Your Kids

Break out the children’s books, people, because today—March 2, the birthday of the beloved Dr. Seuss—is the day for the National Education Association’s Read Across America.  Never heard of it before?  Me either.  Apparently, as a reader, a writer, and a parent, I’ve had my head in the sand because this celebration has been going on since 1998.  Where in the heck have I been?  Oh, sorry, I’ve been kind of busy.  I’ve been reading to my kids.

Okay, okay, maybe that was uncalled for. (I do know that March is Reading Month.  Does that count for something? Anything?  Come on, I haven’t been totally clueless.)

Here’s the idea behind Read Across America:  The NEA would like “every child to be reading in the company of a caring adult” on this day. 

Pro:  Reading with a child is a great idea.  Fantastic.  Totally support it.  Kudos NEA!

Con:  One day?  Seriously?  One day isn’t going to motivate the kids to love reading.  Sorry guys, it just isn’t.

Perhaps I’ve been watching a little too much Idol.  It feels like I’m channeling Simon with my bad attitude.  And, please, please, please understand that I fully support reading to kids.  I understand that the idea here is to generate some excitement.  It’s like a pep rally for reading.  I get that.

But does it really work that way?  When you have a pep rally for football, you don’t have to know a single thing about the game.  I am fairly certain that I made it all the way through high school and college, attending plenty of pep rallies and football games, without ever knowing, exactly, what it is that a Tight End does.  In fact, I’m quite sure I was much more concerned with the tight end on our high school quarterback than I was with anything else in the game.  Enough said.

But to get excited about reading takes time.  It’s not the same thing at all.  Learning to read comes slowly for most kids, over time, after seeing lots and lots of letters strung together on a page, again and again and again.  It can be hard work.  But when we read to them, regularly, those words take our kids places.  They take them on adventures, they help them solve mysteries, they make them laugh.  It’s not the reading itself that’s exciting, it’s the story.  Reading is simply the means to the end.  And, given enough time and practice, our kids will pore over the pages and put the words together.  They’ll take themselves to these enchanted places.

So go ahead and Read Across America.  It’s a good start, and, like many programs, it’s well intentioned.  But if you really want to help those other kids—the ones who aren’t being read to on a regular basis—you’ve got to up the ante.  Would you consider volunteering at their schools?  They could use you.  Really use you.  Last year, I spent one Tuesday every month in a 2nd grade classroom at a school my children will never attend.  I worked with one child at a time, listening, encouraging, and reading.  At my own children’s school, parents line up to help.  If you want to volunteer, they’re glad to have you, but you’ll have to take your turn.  At this other school, only 15 miles west of ours, it’s an entirely different world.  They could use us every day, not just on March 2nd.  

photo credits: mikefats and zawezome