Category Archives: etiquette

Sass and Strong Will

“In my opinion, American children may at times seem sassy and strong-willed, which may be no fun to parent, but sometimes sassy breeds new ideas. Independence. Innovation.”  -Laura Kreutzer

photo by Just Taken Pics

I sure hope she’s right.

Let me back up: Last week Laura Kreutzer wrote an article in the NY Times with the rather amusing title In Defense of the Naughty American Child. In it, Ms. Kreutzer argues that the “American” style of parenting has a huge upside, despite its disparaging portrayal in both Amy Chau’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and Pamela Druckerman’s recent Bringing Up Bébé.

Her piece made me stop and think, because it’s easy for me to admire well-mannered children who eat their veggies without a whimper. Also, because I have one of those strong-willed children.

He is incredibly enthusiastic and engaged when he’s interested.

He’s very convincing when he has a plan.

When he’s not interested? Or it’s my plan?

See aforementioned sass and strong will.

Parenting in the tween and teen years is filled with a hundred joys, as we watch our son develop into his own person. It’s also filled with more second-guessing than I would’ve imagined, more missteps—by us and by him—than I could’ve foreseen. Certainly, there’s more of all of that than I’m comfortable with.

And so I came to Ms. Kreuger’s article and it resonated, despite my fondness for mannerly, obedient children. As I read her article, it reminded me of a conversation my husband and I had with some friends of ours when we visited Madrid last year.  As we enjoyed a late, leisurely dinner, we traded stories about our kids. Our Spanish friend, who’s an entrepreneur, joked that maybe our son would also grow up to be an entrepreneur. We all laughed, and I knocked on the wood table.  “Let’s hope so,” I said. Our friend paused. He loved my response. “That’s the difference,” he said, “between the attitude in Spain and in America.” Then he explained that his occupation was frowned upon there, looked upon as rather suspect. The Spanish prefer the status quo and when guys like him try new things, it makes them nervous.

Which brings me right back to Ms. Kreuger’s article.  I especially liked the way she wrapped up her piece, explaining to readers everywhere that while she hopes that she won’t see her daughter on Teen Mom one day, she also hopes her daughter “doesn’t end up in a dead-end situation…, because she wasn’t courageous enough to take calculated risks or question the status quo.”

Hear, hear.

I’ll try to remember that the next time I encounter sass and strong-will.  I shouldn’t have a very long wait.

Kids and Restaurants: 5 Tips to Eating Out With Kids

(And Enjoying It!)

  1. Start at home. Kids learn about table manners every time they sit down to eat. If you allow them to wander about with their apples and crawl under the table with their cup at home, you can’t expect much better in a restaurant. Sit down and eat with your kids, include them in the mealtime conversation, and teach them good manners at home. It transfers either way, I promise.
  2. Begin when they’re young. When your children are exposed to restaurant settings from an early age, they quickly understand how to behave in that environment. If the budget is tight, you can take them to Panera or another coffeehouse-type of restaurant, where you can enjoy a hot beverage and they can draw quietly with crayons. It’s the exposure–not necessarily having a full meal–that counts.
  3. Bring a bag of fun. Think about fun activities you can bring along to a restaurant and toss them into a spare bag. Cards, books of mazes, blank paper and crayons–anything your kids enjoy that can help them pass the time is fair game (except noise makers – that’s obvious, right?). The bag of tricks is there to help you, and will help your kids pass some of the time. It won’t, however, provide hours of solo entertainment. Most likely, you’ll be using that crayon to play tic-tac-toe. But that’s okay: this is a family meal out, not a date night. When you engage with your kids, they learn that they’re a part of this night out, too.
  4. Use common sense. Don’t visit your favorite 5-star restaurant or make reservations for 8:00PM. Hit Macaroni Grill and beat the 6:30 dinner crowd. You’ll all be much happier, trust me.
  5. Set expectations. Expectations are the key to happiness, for you and your kids.

  • For the kids: be sure they know ahead of time what you expect. Must they keep their voices down? Stay seated? Will you allow them to drink chocolate milk? Can they get fries? All of these things are important to address ahead of time, so there aren’t any big surprises at the restaurant. Surprises = Not Good.
  • For you and your spouse: this is not a romantic night out. It most likely won’t even be that relaxing, especially the first few times. But you won’t have to cook. Or clean. And after a few times your kids will be pros. Your reward? Years of fun dinners out with your kids = Priceless.
photo credits: Tanel & Lilla Coelho

My Wal-Mart Protest, or Why I Shop at Target

Back in the dark ages, we lived in a small Midwest town (Go Packers!) where visiting a Target store was a distant fantasy. The nearest one was at least ½ hour away, and with two babies, I wasn’t making that trek on a regular basis. Instead, we shopped for life’s necessities at our local Wal-Mart, an easy 5-minute drive away. It was clean, and the people were friendly—heck, it was Wisconsin, they were all friendly, and the prices were low. Low was good; money was tight. Still, I envied my friends in bigger cities, with their fancy Target’s just down the street. Their grass was greener, and their stores were prettier, for sure.

It wasn’t long before we moved to a small city in another state, which, relatively speaking, was a very large city. And the proof was in the strip mall: our very own, very lovely, Tar-jay. Hooray! Closer to my house and way more fun than the local Wal-Mart, I found myself wasting money there on a regular basis. It was fantastic.

Sadly, though, there were a few occasions when Target didn’t have the item I desired. I know! It’s so hard to believe, isn’t it? On those days, I would drive the additional 3 long miles to Wal-Mart to find the aforementioned item.

And then.

One day, I needed to return an item to Wal-Mart. I waited in the hideously long line, with some friendly people, some seriously rude people, and a few who may or may not have bathed recently. After forever, I reached the counter, handed over my item and my receipt, and was promptly treated like a thief robbing the store of their oh-so-meager profits. The clerks were so completely inept and discourteous that I decided, right then and there:

I don’t care if Target doesn’t have my item, I’m not coming back to Wal-Mart.

Thus began my 3-year protest, where I would find whatever I needed elsewhere, or simply forgo a purchase rather than add my hard-earned money to the coffers at the Rudest Store on Earth.

So, yeah, I guess sometimes I hold a grudge. I’m working on that.