Category Archives: perspective

How Travel Affects Whether We Wear Lipstick to the Bus Stop

You read the “Why I’m Not A Dirty Mom” blog post, right? If some way, somehow, you missed it, well, there’s the link. In it, the writer explains why she prefers to look her best, whether she’s headed out for dinner or driving to the pre-school drop off line.

I watched the ensuing uproar with a touch of amusement. Must we always argue, ladies? If a girl likes to wear lipstick to the grocery store, I say let her wear lipstick. If another prefers yoga pants and a baseball cap, more power to her. One doesn’t diminish the other.

If you see me out and about I’ll be wearing high heels, flip flops, tennis shoes, leather boots, dark jeans, khaki capris, dresses (holla, Athleta), yoga pants, black pants, and who knows what else depending on the day. I have kids. I work. I like yoga. I play basketball. I have girlfriends I MUST meet for lunch. I don’t make the same effort every day. And this doesn’t bother me one bit.

My hair and clothes don’t define me.

And what does all of this have to do with travel, the theme I’m writing about this month? I’m glad you asked!

Here’s the quote for this week:

“When you’re traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don’t have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.” – William Least Heat-Moon (pen name of William Lewis Trogdon)

Stop and let that sink in.

“You are what you are right there and then.”

Fantastic. And I love this part:

“No yesterdays on the road.”

When we’re in a new place, with new people, they have no idea what we wore last week. They don’t know if we’re kind or cruel or a little loopy, either. There’s a weird kind of beauty in the not knowing, I think. Travel gives us space, a freedom to be our truest self.

I would argue, though, that the purpose of finding this self when we travel is to bring her home with us, to continue to pursue, and fully define, our own sense of self. Our values. Our important things. Instead of worrying about whether we “should” wear lipstick to the bus stop, we need to figure out if we want to wear lipstick to the bus stop. That, my friends, is the key. And it’s harder than it sounds.

But when we answer to our truest self, we’ll be one step closer to making decisions that are right for us. And one big step away from worrying about what anyone else thinks. Maybe it’s time to book a flight.

Have you experienced this kind of freedom when you’ve traveled? Leave your thoughts in the comments, or link up if you’d like to write your own post on these Wise Words.

Underoos and Life Perspective

When I was in the 7th grade and just barely out of Underoos, it felt like everyone at school knew I still had Wonder Woman panties scrunched up in the back of my dresser drawer. My 7-12 middle/high school in Virginia graduated a mere 27 seniors that year. For a budding teen, the biggest implication of this microcosm was that the world felt extremely small. Jeans too short? Still sleeping in kid pajamas? Trouble with a boy? In a time when so many things were uncertain, I was sure of this: Everyone knew everything.

photo by DeusXFlorida

Imagine my surprise when we moved to North Carolina and no one knew anything. As hard as it was to leave my friends and the close community of my small school (for a slightly less-small school, with 98 graduating seniors), our move south wedged open the door to the bigger world. The kids who were popular and prized at my school in Virginia were nobodies here. It took me awhile to grasp this significance but eventually I understood that the vastness of our own importance is tiny relative to the grand scale of our incredibly big world. Big stuff for a teenager.

I’ve written before about the perspective I believe travel brings to our lives, which is why I love this quote by French writer Gustave Flaubert:

“Travel makes one modest, you see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.”

We don’t need to go to Paris, France to experience this truth. Paris, Texas will do. In fact, I’d argue that you might not even need to leave your hometown. Spend some time volunteering—at a nearby food pantry or old-folks home—and you’ll step into a world adjacent to the one you inhabit every day. A world that never knew you existed, doesn’t hear the same gossip, doesn’t care about your social status or lack thereof. It’s eye-opening.

I learned early that my problems weren’t as big as they seemed, and that, shockingly!, although the neighbors may care, the wider world could give a rip about how my hair looks or what brand of jeans I wear. It was an enduring lesson for a 13-year old girl, and one I’m fortunate to be reminded whenever I step outside of my own tiny place in this very large world.

How has travel helped you gain perspective? I’d love it if you’d share in the comments, or write your own post about these Wise Words.

Quotes about Life: The Upside of Moving to a New Place

I haven’t always been fond of travel.

photo by Jo Bourne

As a child, travel usually meant leaving a place I’d come to know, the secret paths through the woods, my favorite climbing tree, and at least one good friend with whom I’d shared dreams and traded secrets. Seeing a new place meant watching the movers wrap my every possession in their crinkly, tan paper and then watching the final procession as they hauled boxes filled with our worldly possessions to their truck.  It meant moving away. Living somewhere new. Friends, this is hard stuff for a kid.

But somehow my nomadic tendencies stayed with me, and in the first ten years after I graduated from college I lived in 5 different states. Moving as an adult reinforced what I’d come to believe as a child: our country is filled with vastly different cultures that co-exist, side-by-side, under one grand-old, high-flying flag.

When I lived in the south, people talked about how unfriendly northerners were. When I lived in the north, people talked about how fake southerners were. None of them, mind you, really knew the other. Their assumptions were usually based on hearsay, a story from their parents or a friend, or one unfortunate impression from a vacation gone wrong.

But I did know these people, and these remarks bothered me. “Do you know anyone from the south?” I’d ask, to rolled eyes and quick comebacks about how someone’s cousin went to college there and, ha, that’s all they needed to know. But I’d lived both places. I’d made friends despite the differences. I’d come to embrace those very differences for the richness they added to my life.

My kids don’t have this advantage. They haven’t lived with kids from Florida, North Carolina, Virginia, and Pennsylvania. They’ve been right here, in the same town, in the same state, for most of their lives. But you can bet we talk about it. We talk about how we live in a small community but the world is big. We talk about how our habits aren’t “right,” they’re just what we know. We take them to other places—in our own country and abroad—and say, “Look, see this wide world we live in. These people have never heard of our little town. Respect them. Respect their customs. Life is not simply about us.”

My kids like to travel. To them, it means packing up suitcases, not moving boxes. They don’t know what it’s like to make friends in places where it snows and places where it doesn’t. Their world is small, but I hope their worldview isn’t.

***

I wrote this post after reflecting on this week’s Wise Words quote, by Mark Twain:

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”

Do you agree? Leave your thoughts in a comment and please link back to your post if you write about it, too. You can find more details on participating in Wise Words here.