Since track meets are endless, I spent part of the remaining time thinking about sports and the impact they’ve had on my life. I thought about the sports I participated in and the ones I didn’t; I thought about tenacity and perseverance; teamwork and digging deep. I thought about the pain of training—in any sport—and the fun of giving it your all. My high school track coach, Mrs. Roelofs, remains one of the world’s best coaches. After every single meet, Coach “Roly” would post a list of “Stars” outside her office. These Stars weren’t necessarily the runners who won their events; the Stars were the runners who’d beat their own best time. We worked towards that goal in practice every single day. You could come in last, and still be a Star in Coach Roly’s world.

I believe that participating in extracurricular activities, whether it’s sports or music or drama, helps our kids to discover things about themselves that might otherwise remain buried. It helps them ferret out their weaknesses, and face them. It also helps them find and develop their strengths. By getting up on stage, for example, a child might discover that even though it’s really hard to stand up there in front of his friends, he’s really good at making characters come to life. Or a child might try distance running, and find out that she has what it takes to push through that final stretch and beat her own best time.

I wonder about kids’ sports today, though. So often, our kids are pushed to choose and excel at a young age. It’s as if reason has been separated out of the equation. We’re sold the idea that “if we don’t start them now (at, like, 5),” they’ll never have a chance to play” and excel. I don’t buy it. I’ve seen superstar youngster after superstar younger trade in their cleats by middle school because it’s just not fun anymore.

What’s also not fun is watching kids being yelled at, rather than coached. Coaching involves helping each child achieve their potential—or at least guiding them down that path. It doesn’t mean benching the kids who aren’t quite there yet; especially not if those kids are 10. That kid who’s not there yet might be the one who works hard, shows diligence, and comes out strong in a few years. We need to give kids time, for goodness sakes, and encourage them to try new things. Do I mean that coaches should never yell? Nope. I just don’t think it should be their primary method of teaching.

As parents, I know we have to weigh our desire to give our kids the “best chance” and to do what’s really best for our kids. When I’m making these kinds of decisions, these choices about what my kids will participate in and what they won’t, I try really, really hard to think about the long term. When my kids look back on their childhood, what will they remember?

Sports? Absolutely.

But I sure hope there’s more to it than that.

And I hope they find a Coach Roly of their own, because that’s what really makes the difference.