Monthly Archives: March 2008

The Writing Is On the Wall

March 17, 2008Facebook, media, Parenting, tweens and teensKirsetin

So now I have a Facebook account. This seems strange, odd, really odd, like it’s something I would have done in high school, but is just beyond me now. Yet two of my friends – one a slight bit older and one a slight bit younger – have assured me that this is a thing I need to do. “The day is coming,” they both warned, “that you will need an account. Your kids will be out there. You want to be out there and you have to be ready.”

This, too, I struggle with. Not that my kids will be “out there,” necessarily, but what being out there means. Another step. Another step towards peers. Another step away from family. Let me just confess right now–if your incredible intuitive skills haven’t already pegged it–that this whole kid-growing up, mom-letting-go thing is not going well for me. It is far harder than I imagined and happening far sooner than I expected. But here we are, with time moving swiftly and me treading water, wondering how we got here so fast. I am intensely aware that I sound like a tired cliché, but I could swear that we were just reading The Magic Tree House series. Okay, sure, we moved on to Harry and Ron and Hermoine, but Facebook? How can it be? No matter; time keeps moving and so here we are. But, I digress.

Here’s what’s even stranger than the fact that I have joined the thousands in this weirdly-intimate-at-arms-length online community: there’s a good chance that many of you, my friends, are among those thousands. You are poking and writing on people’s walls and all sorts of other things none of us ever heard of back when fraternities still had taps in the basement. You’ve just never mentioned it, and why would you? What on earth am I going to write on your wall?

As surprised as I am to find that Facebook is not only for tween and teens and young bucks who think they’re all grown-up but really aren’t (otherwise why would they post that completely inebriated photo?), I’m not at all surprised that we are all drawn to this new type of communication. We’re at an interesting juncture in history, I think, where it’s becoming easier and easier to communicate: in an instant we can shoot someone a message, send them a text, or collect “top friends” by the dozens. At the same time, it’s getting harder and harder to forge real relationships, based on depth and trust and shared actual (vs. virtual) experiences. It will be interesting to see where this takes us, and our kids, don’t you think?

-Kirsetin

The Power of Lust

March 13, 2008marriage, Parenting, politicsKirsetin

Last April, at a writers’ conference in NYC, I met Ruth Houston, author of this book. She wore a button with the title, which made me laugh. “Creative”, I thought, “What a catchy, clever title.” A little later while we were chatting during a break, I asked the author how she came up with the idea. You guessed it: personal experience.

I didn’t envy her creativity so much then, although I certainly admired her gumption. Her ability to turn such a personal tragedy into meaningful work for herself and counsel for others kept me thinking. “What must it be like,” I wondered, “to end everything you’ve known to be true?” It must be absolutely horrible. I’d never even met her ex-husband, but already I didn’t like him.

More recently, a girlfriend and I were having one of those lovely heart-to-heart discussions, and the topic turned to extra-marital affairs. We got started down this conversational path because of a talk our pastor gave at church about self-control. He made the very real point that behavior prior to marriage matters–in part–because saying “I do” doesn’t flip some magical behavior-modification switch. In other words, if you practiced “free-love” before marriage, you may be in for a bit of a rough marital road the next time that particular carrot is dangled. At any rate, we both agreed that, for us–and I am not suggesting this feeling is universal–a switch did, indeed, flip when we married. Not that either of us were out there promoting free love beforehand, but let’s just say we certainly weren’t Amish. However, neither of us has ever even considered anything nearly as sleazy as the soon-to-be former Governor of NY.

As a wife, I can’t help but empathize with his. As a daughter I am horrified for the Spitzer girls. I look at Silda Wall Spitzer and wonder, “Eliot, what were you thinking?” All the perks of privilege were his: a swanky apartment in NYC, private school for his girls, a talented, beautiful wife and a boatload of money. It’s never enough, is it guys?

On some level, he must have known it would come to this. How could he do it, I wonder, and I am not alone in my wondering. Wives across the country, and probably the world, are peering into this egregious betrayal and asking themselves, “How could he so completely disregard and disrespect this woman he’s called wife for 21 years?”

And what about us? What about the rest of the wives out here, doing our best to make marriage work, to parent well, and to fulfill our purpose in life? When we peek into the life of this privileged couple, we’re often prompted to reflect back on our own—and sometimes we sheepishly wonder if this could ever happen to us. I want to say, “No, of course not. This will never happen to you or to me.” But it does. In almost sixteen years of marriage I’ve watched it happen to friend after friend after friend and it breaks my heart every time.

When I met Ruth Houston at that writers’ conference last year, I laughed at the title of her book. But I’m not really laughing now. I’m sad, I’m incredibly, sorrowfully sad, that women across the world look at Silda Wall Spitzer – as we looked at Hillary Rodham Clinton only a few years ago – and wonder if our marriage will be next.

-Kirsetin

Hip Mom Interview, with Kara Corridan

March 11, 2008hip mom interviewKirsetin

How long have you been married? Kerry and I will celebrate our 5th anniversary in April.

How many children do you have? We have one daughter, Julia, who’s 2 ½.

How do you enjoy spending time with your family? The usual—dinners out (after a brief spell of not-great behavior, Julia’s back to being a charmer in restaurants), taking walks, playing outside when the weather’s nice. During the summers, we spend our weekends at the Jersey shore (which is where my husband and I met) or at our town pool. Lately, my favorite moments are weekend mornings (albeit starting earlier than I would like) when we all watch one of my daughter’s shows in bed before starting the day.

What do you and your husband enjoy doing together? (Please, don’t share too much!) These days, our social life is based around TV. We bond over watching DVDs of shows that everyone else caught on to ages ago. We just got through seasons 1-3 of The Office (I resisted because I loved the British version so much) and now we’re almost finished with season 1 of Friday Night Lights.

What is your favorite vacation spot? My all-time favorite vacation ever was our honeymoon to Maui and Kauai. But for a vacation we can regularly replicate, it’s Cape May, a gorgeous seaside town at the southernmost tip of New Jersey. We rent a condo there each summer, and occasionally treat ourselves to a child-free getaway at a B&B.

Who’s your favorite movie or TV star? I had a crush on Matt Dillon when I was in 6th grade and I think I picked pretty well—he’s still hot. I also think Edie Falco as Carmela Soprano is the best actress of all time.

How about your favorite movie?
   Nostalgia picks: Sixteen Candles, She’s Having a Baby
   Dramas: You Can Count On Me, Before Sunrise
   Classic comedies: Ace Ventura, The Money Pit

What are three to five books that you’ll always keep on your shelf? Can you share why?

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith (my all-time favorite book)
My dog-eared, scribbled-all-over copies of 1993 Let’s Go: Britain & Ireland and Let’s Go Europe (I never want to forget the hilarious little details of my post-college backpacking trip, and those books almost serve as journals)
Neither Here Nor There by Bill Bryson (on a related note, this is an hysterical account of Bryson’s post-college backpacking trip)
Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care (it tells you just about everything you need to know)

Which three books would you add to any child’s library?

Rabbit Pie by Penny Ives (sooo sweet)
Little Pea by Amy Rosenthal (great illustrations and funny message)
Caps for Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina (I have a thing for monkeys, and my daughter loves imitating the “Tsz, tsz, tsz” sounds they make in the story)

How do you spend your days? I’m the executive editor of two magazines in New York City. I leave the house by 7:15am and try to get home by 6:30pm. I love my job—and it took me years to find one I could say that about—but I have spent many an hour cursing my commute and wishing for a magic carpet to transport me to and from NJ.

Why do you do what you do? I love words, l love writing, I love magazines, I love editing, I love working with writers, I love helping to shape ideas, and I love the personalities of my colleagues and the friends I’ve made in my industry.

What’s a job you think you might have enjoyed doing, if you had pursued a different path? Why? If there were a practical way to pull it off, I would love to write for a sitcom. I have an image of me and a bunch of funny writers sitting around a table, laughing as we bang out scripts. I know comedy writing is a really hard job, but I would love to have given it a try. Pretty sure it’s not in the cards for me, though.

What do you feel truly passionate about in life? I have an uncle and a cousin with disabilities, and I feel passionate that they, and everyone like them, are treated with dignity. I feel passionate that our country should offer better maternity and paternity leave policies (but I need to figure out a way to actually do something about this).

PC or Mac lover? I really don’t care. I’ll work on anything that comes with an IT guy.