Apparently, I’ve got this parenting thing all wrong.

If only I’d have bought a food mill, my children’s palates would be significantly more well-rounded.

What’s that?  You didn’t buy one either?

Shame on us.  Don’t you realize that it wasn’t enough to blindly and zealously follow What to Expect When You’re Expecting?  It wasn’t enough to track, on the side of my refrigerator, every single protein and green veggie I ate for nine months.  Nope, also not enough to abstain from a lovely glass of red wine or a seductively cold diet pepsi for the entire pregnancy.  Oh, yes, and for that entire next year of nursing.

No, friends, my efforts were not enough.  The proof is easy to find.  Instead of longing for the “lentils milled with caramelized onions and wilted arugula,” that Mr. Dixon’s baby enjoys, my children’s food of choice is pizza, followed closely by cold cereal.  

This is absolute truth, I promise, despite my efforts to fortify my babies with whole wheat pancakes made with apple juice in their early days.  (Oh yes, it’s true. My girlfriend Janet can vouch:  eleven years later she’s still mocking those pancakes!).

If only I’d bought the food mill, they’d be so much more advanced.

But what will Mr. Dixon’s kids eat on Friday nights in college?  Arugula?  Good luck with that.  I can rest easy knowing my boys will easily find their food of choice.