Yearly Archives: 2009

How Being A Mean Mom Fosters Friendship

May 21, 2009media, Parenting, tweens and teensKirsetin

When you have 18+ 12-year old boys coming to your house for a pizza party & movie night, you need to think a few things through before they arrive.

So I did.

I thought about the weather. I thought about how we were doomed if it rained, and I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about how on earth I would entertain a million 12-year old boys inside for 4 endless hours.

I thought about the friendships. With a group that large, there are bound to be smaller groups of closer friends. I thought hard about how to make sure everyone was included without looming over the party treating them like they were 4-year olds.

I thought about food. Everything I don’t buy during the rest of the year was included: Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, Doritos of every flavor, orange soda, grape soda…the list of poisons was endless. One boy actually requested an apple. An apple! I would’ve given him ten, or ten dollars, but he was happy with one Granny Smith apple. God bless him.

I thought about a lot of things, but I didn’t think of everything. I forgot about their phones.

One friend came early to help us get ready. He was here for about 4 minutes, when I realized my error. He’d already sent 4 text messages, and had looked at his phone more often that he’d looked at any of us. And you know what? He’s not my son, so if that’s okay with his mom and dad at his house, more power to them. He’s a nice kid & I’m glad he’s friends with my son. But I can add.

And I can multiply. And there was no way I was having 18 cell phones whipped out every other second so kids could converse with someone other than the 17 friends standing right next to them.

In that moment, I decided to make the announcement.

After the boys had all arrived, and before they took off to start the best two-hand touch football game I’ve seen for quite some time, I gathered them for the news.

“Boys,” I said sweetly, “Welcome to our house. I forgot to let you all know that this is a CELL PHONE FREE PARTY. You can call or text your mom or dad, of course, but otherwise, I’d prefer if you left your phones alone during the party.”

Deep breath.

“Okay.”

“Sure.”

“That’s fine.”

And one by one, they put them back into their pockets without a second thought.

Except for one boy. The one with the ear buds still dangling. He dared to challenge, but I held my ground. After all, you never have to accept an invitation to our house, but if you do, you gotta follow our rules.

I’m mean like that.

The 4 hours flew by, the rain held off until we started the movie, and no one else complained about the phones. I loved watching the boys with their silly jokes and their wild behavior and their hearty laughter. I loved that they were fully present, not half there, not distracted by something funnier or cooler or much more important than the event at hand. I loved watching them connect with one another.

And to that end–to helping kids foster-friendships, live in the present, and enjoy the life that’s right there in front of them–to that end, I’ll be a meany any day.

My Favorite Flip Flops

May 20, 2009shopping, summerKirsetin

I can’t be sure, but I suspect it was my southern upbringing that completely ruined me for shoes. I’d rather not wear them. Yes, that’s right. I still don’t want to wear them, Mom. I understand that I’m a grown-up, that I’m a responsible mother of 3, but I’d prefer to be barefoot any day of the week. Since that’s not entirely socially acceptable, my next choice is sandals, my casual fave being flip-flops, of course.

Since the season of open toes is finally upon us, I thought I’d share some of my faves.

El numero uno, the #1 best flip-flop EVA, the one I that I absolutely love–and the one that carries an absolutely ridiculous pricetag–is the timeless Jack Roger. I have eked years of wear out of a black monogrammed pair like the one above, and this snazzy pink pair. I will almost always accept your summer party invitation if I can come barefoot or in my Jack Rogers.

Other days, when I’m heading for the pool or beach, I like something more casual. But fun. Always fun. It’s summertime, so forget about function.

How about these cuties, from LL Bean for only $19.95?

I defy anyone to tell me that pink flip flops with green lobsters don’t rock. La-la-la, I can’t hear you. I loooove these.

Or check out these starfish sweeties from J. Crew for a sweet $26.50.

And we can’t forget our faithful friend Target, who comes through for us with the most reasonably priced flip flops in the world. At $9.99, they’re practically FREE!

So there you have it. A few fun choices with about a million more I’d post if I had time. Here’s a hint: pink, green, blue, red, whales, lobsters, plaids and monograms: I’ll take a pair, thanks.

But I’d still rather be barefoot.

So That’s What Friends Are For

May 18, 2009cottage, friendshipKirsetin

There are so many things I treasure about my close friends that it’s hard to name just a few. Women around the world know this, I think. They understand that time spent with girlfriends has an un-nameable quality. There’s something we can’t quite put our manicured fingers on. (I know, I know, mine aren’t manicured, but most of theirs are!) These elements are nearly univeral. Laughter. Wine. Honesty. Wine. Soul Bearing Conversation. Light-Hearted Companionship. Understanding. Wine. Affirmation. Assurance that we are definitely right and that other person is definitely wrong. And, we look fine. Skinny even. With good hair. Whatever it is that happens there, when girlfriends gather, it touches our souls.

Men, on the other hand, well, I can’t really speak to that. My husband is never, ever going to give a lengthy discourse about bromance and the importance of manly friendships; nor will he mention the touching of souls; it’s very safe to say he won’t ever publish any kind of touchy-feely men’s book. He loves his friends. I know this. But he’s never gonna say it.

As a sort-of related aside, I recently listened to someone, very unlike my husband, pitch a book idea to an editor. Both the author and editor were men – and the conversation went something like this:

“So, what I’m thinking is this. I’m thinking that as men we need to get in touch with our feminine side. We’ve really lost the ability to share deeply with one another in a really real way.

“Oh, right, I’m with you. Sounds like a good idea. Tell me more.”

“Well, my book will address how we men fail each other regularly because we don’t open ourselves up to those woman-like feelings and share them with each other.”

“That sounds like a great concept. I’d like to see more.”

Huh? Seriously. This really happened. And I sat there thinking, “What? What?” Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for men sharing feelings and sending flowers, and possibly even buying me a convertible one day, but that? That’s a great book idea? Lord give me strength. Help me persevere through the wilderness, the impossible-to-understand world that is publishing. Amen.

Okay, back to the story.

Although my husband won’t be writing a book like that anytime soon, or ever, he does have a close-knit group of friends. Some of these guys gave up their weekend—time they could’ve spent with their families, or golfing, or taking a really long nap—to repair a leak in the roof of our carriage house. In the beginning, it was a leaking, rotting, termite-filled hazard.