My husband and I both grew up on the east coast, but haven’t lived there since we got married.  It’s hard for both of us to believe, but it’s true, nonetheless.

Living away from where we grew up means many things, from the occasional cultural gap with our friends to traveling for holidays to talking to Grandma and Grandpa using a webcam and SKYPE.  Still, our parents are as hands-on with our kids as they can be from 10 and 12 hours away.  (See mine in the photo, taking my kids into DC.  Good sports!  Brave souls!)  They visit often, try to make it out for different sports seasons, and are (mostly) happy to chip in and babysit when my husband and I need to get out of Dodge for awhile. 

One of the few advantages, I suppose, to living this far away is that we don’t have to deal with either of these situations:

1. Our parents live in the same town, but aren’t the slightest bit interested in babysitting.  Not only do they give us our space, they create more than we’d like. 
2. Our parents live nearby and are so integral to our family that we couldn’t function without them, even though maybe we should.  Our needs come before theirs, and they still help us solve our problems.

Both of these scenarios are addressed in Joanne Kaufman’s article yesterday, in the NYTimes, When Grandma Can’t Be Bothered.  But, clearly, the article focuses on Scenario A, calling these women “glam-mas.”  In the article, Kaufman quotes writer Catherine Conners’ mother:

“I raised two children whom I love dearly, “ she said.  “I was a stay-at-home mom.  Then I discovered when I started my own career that there was a whole other world out there.”

I think this is interesting for two reasons:

1)    Grandma Conners is unapologetic for her stance.  She loves her kids, she loves her grandkids, but she’s been there and done that.  Enough said.

2)    Don’t we all want our children to find their own way?  Isn’t that what Grandma Conners has done?  Is this all bad?

I wonder if there isn’t a happy medium here.  I mean, of course we know there is, but does it exist in the real world?  Do your parents or in-laws live nearby?  Do you find yourself fitting tidily into Scenario A or B above?  If not, how have you managed it?  Did you have to set parameters?  Did your healthy relationship evolve naturally?  If you had one piece of advice for new parents with nearby grandparents, what would it be?