Mother is an oft-romanticized word, connected with the aroma of pies in the oven and neatly made beds. I must admit that I fall short on both of these counts but I don’t think this disqualifies me from the role of Mom-Who-Tries-Really-Hard. Mothers, of course, come in a million different packages, and we are all unique, just like the little ones we’re raising. In spite of our differences, and the fallacies that come with our idealization of the role, there are some traits I think are universal, that all mothers share when we are at our best. Here are a few:
A mother is strong. Sometimes we’re strong physically, sometimes spiritually, sometimes emotionally. Occasionally we are all three at once; at other times, the difficult ones, we are none of these. But in the end we not only have strength, but we learn share it with our children, so that they may have it, too.
A mother knows her limits. We seek counsel and cherish the wisdom of those who have gone before us. We ask and listen and consider what is best for our children and our situation. We understand that the Joneses do not have all of the answers, even if they do have all of the stuff.
A mother is, in turn, anxious and carefree, angry and overjoyed. Quite often, we are tired. We cannot believe how much our lives have changed since having children. Every now and then, especially when the children are very small, we long for the freedom of our child-free days, but we don’t waste too much time on such wistfulness. We are grateful to be where we are.
A mother is almost always teetering on the edge, striving to balance all of the promises of her own childhood, the desires of adulthood, and the responsibilities of motherhood. She finds herself at a crossroads, over and over again, and must prioritize and decide and make the best choices for herself and her family. This is never easy. Mothers rarely walk an easy path.
A mother is not always her child’s best friend, but she is her constant and steadfast ally. We are on our child’s side, even if that means watching her suffer through the consequences of poor decisions. We do our best to make life choices that help our children grow, rather than choices that simply make our lives easier. (See above: this is not a job for the faint-hearted.)
Mothers are friends, if they know what’s good for them, with other women. Older, younger, single, married, childless, or with a full quiver—it doesn’t really matter, although my personal experience says that the more varied the friends, the better. Mothers seek companionship and laughter from their girlfriends, and lend a hand or offer consolation as appropriate. We help one another keep a balanced perspective. And when—even though we know better—we still sweat the small stuff, our friends are right there beside us, cheering us on and helping us through.
A mother knows joy and she knows heartache. We weave these two cords together, bind them with love, and help our children understand how to experience the former even while enduring the latter. If our children are fortunate, we are able to teach them that joy is a choice, separate from feeling happy because things are currently going their way. Our lives are our example.
There are minutes, hours, and days when mothers are not patient, kind, good or gentle. But we want to be, we hope to be, we try to be, as often as we can. When we falter, we don’t allow these moments define us. Rather than excusing our missteps, we learn from them. We teach our children that we’re not perfect and that despite our best efforts, we never will be. But we promise to try. We always try.
Parent Bloggers Network teamed up with Microsoft to help them spread the word about Microsoft’s Portraits of Mom campaign, which is in honor of Mother’s Day and moms everywhere. My post is part of PBN’s Blog Blast for the weekend. Join the blog blast for a chance to win a gift certificate to a local photography studio. So Happy Mother’s Day, a little early. -Kirsetin
