Category Archives: friendship

Every Three Minutes

May 29, 2009friendship, illnessKirsetin

My mom faced breast cancer like the trouper she is. She squared her shoulders, took the chemical beatings, and shouldered on. Did she falter? Did she cry? I’m sure she did. But as she has for all of my life, she kept her sorrow private, wiped her tears, and put the fighting gloves on for the rest of it.

Because my mom is like this, I knew she’d go in fighting. But I didn’t know how hard it would be to watch her fight. I didn’t know what it would feel like to see her lose her hair, select her scarves, draw on her eyebrows, and still make it to the grocery store. I didn’t know that even if she beat the cancer, the after-effects of the poison that killed it would linger, reminding us all of the silent stalker that came after her.

And it’s not just her. My mother-in-law’s dear, dear friend lost her battle recently, with my mother-in-law by her side. My friend Janet’s mom fought breast cancer over 10 years ago. Last year it returned, and she’s fighting again. Another friend – a mom of 4 young boys – is battling breast cancer right now. She’s not even 40.

Is it surprising that every 3 minutes someone in the United States is diagnosed with breast cancer? You know someone, right? Sure you do. We all do. It’s that scary. And yet in the midst of the fear, there’s hope. Hope remains because—like my mom, and Janet’s mom, and my mother-in-law’s friend, and my young girlfriend—there are a lot of fighters in this world, and some of them are doctors who are working hard to find a cure. As they fight that fight, they need our help. They need our funds.

There are a million different ways to contribute. You might recall that last year some friends and I walked in the Race for the Cure, with their pretty pink port-a-potties.

We walked our 5 miles and made our donations, and I hope we do it again next year.

And recently, I heard from my old college friend, Amy, whom I met when we were just 18 and full of certainty, and with whom I spent a semester of college trolling around Europe. Amy was planning to walk in Avon’s Walk for Breast Cancer in Boston and she sent out an e-mail letting friends and family know they could contribute. And my, oh my, did they!

On May 16 & 17, Amy joined 2,500 others who walked 39.3 miles to raise money for this fight. Her friends and family contributed over $3000—part of the more than $5.6 million raised and given as grants to Boston area organizations. Amy said that the most moving part of the experience came when she was randomly chosen, as one walker was every three minutes, and “draped with a large pink ribbon banner that read, ‘Every Three Minutes.’” As she continued her walk, Amy said that she “thought about the woman who had just learned of her battle ahead. I walked with new purpose for her,” she said, “and for all of the other fighters.”

Forget about trolling around Europe. This is my new memory of my friend, and I thank her from the bottom of my heart.

So That’s What Friends Are For

May 18, 2009cottage, friendshipKirsetin

There are so many things I treasure about my close friends that it’s hard to name just a few. Women around the world know this, I think. They understand that time spent with girlfriends has an un-nameable quality. There’s something we can’t quite put our manicured fingers on. (I know, I know, mine aren’t manicured, but most of theirs are!) These elements are nearly univeral. Laughter. Wine. Honesty. Wine. Soul Bearing Conversation. Light-Hearted Companionship. Understanding. Wine. Affirmation. Assurance that we are definitely right and that other person is definitely wrong. And, we look fine. Skinny even. With good hair. Whatever it is that happens there, when girlfriends gather, it touches our souls.

Men, on the other hand, well, I can’t really speak to that. My husband is never, ever going to give a lengthy discourse about bromance and the importance of manly friendships; nor will he mention the touching of souls; it’s very safe to say he won’t ever publish any kind of touchy-feely men’s book. He loves his friends. I know this. But he’s never gonna say it.

As a sort-of related aside, I recently listened to someone, very unlike my husband, pitch a book idea to an editor. Both the author and editor were men – and the conversation went something like this:

“So, what I’m thinking is this. I’m thinking that as men we need to get in touch with our feminine side. We’ve really lost the ability to share deeply with one another in a really real way.

“Oh, right, I’m with you. Sounds like a good idea. Tell me more.”

“Well, my book will address how we men fail each other regularly because we don’t open ourselves up to those woman-like feelings and share them with each other.”

“That sounds like a great concept. I’d like to see more.”

Huh? Seriously. This really happened. And I sat there thinking, “What? What?” Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for men sharing feelings and sending flowers, and possibly even buying me a convertible one day, but that? That’s a great book idea? Lord give me strength. Help me persevere through the wilderness, the impossible-to-understand world that is publishing. Amen.

Okay, back to the story.

Although my husband won’t be writing a book like that anytime soon, or ever, he does have a close-knit group of friends. Some of these guys gave up their weekend—time they could’ve spent with their families, or golfing, or taking a really long nap—to repair a leak in the roof of our carriage house. In the beginning, it was a leaking, rotting, termite-filled hazard.

And then they did this.

And this.

And now it looks like this.

Without ever saying a word about feelings or authenticity or the importance of sharing, these guys stepped up and said it all.

Fred, Brent, Brad & Kurt: Thank you. I’ll say it on my husband’s behalf: You guys ROCK!

A Letter to My Neat and Tidy Friend

February 21, 2009friendship, nostalgia, petsKirsetin

Dear Neat and Tidy Friend,

Congratulations! I hear you are considering adopting a puppy. Fantastic idea! Who doesn’t want a cute little bundle of fur take on walks, cuddle with, and love unconditionally?

The unconditional part is important, you see, because this puppy will change your life. You know this already, right? People have told you about the night waking and the many walks, they’ve told you about how you’ll have to re-arrange your schedule and save bundles of money for vet bills. But what about the fur? Have they mentioned the fur? Or, more specifically, the shedding of the fur?

Oh, right, you’re going to keep him outside in a dog run. Good plan. My Aunt Elaine had that plan, too, until her sweet little Gypsy got sick. She came in to get well and never left. Dogs are smart that way. People are the foolish ones. That fancy dog run became a lawn ornament and trellis for beans or raspberries or some such thing. It sure didn’t see Gypsy again.

And when your puppy joins the household, it won’t be long before you sit down to a lovely dinner and find a stray dog hair in your salad. Consider yourself warned. Disgusting, you say! You are cleaner than that. You will sweep and vacuum and mop away the evidence. Yeah, okay, good luck with that.

My favorite part, really, is how dogs can sense who loves them and who would really rather see them penned up on a farm somewhere far, far away. One day, your stylish friend will show up dressed in her sleekest black pants, strutting her trim stuff all over the place. And your super-hairy, hugely-shedding yellow Labrador will be right there to greet her. In a fine example of the skills dogs have honed through the years, he will sense that she doesn’t want a single strand of that nasty dog hair anywhere near her swanky self. He will bound up to her, tongue hanging, tail wagging, hair flying everywhere, just to show her who’s in charge.

Dogs are the smart ones, I’m telling you.

Have fun with your new puppy.

With much love,

From your friend with the extremely friendly, unbelievably hairy 13-year old Labrador

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network’s blog blast. It’s sponsored this week by SC Johnson, who’s introducing the Pledge Fabric Sweeper for Pet Hair. And as any dog owner will attest, this is an idea who’s time has come!

SC Johnson to introduce the Pledge™ Fabric Sweeper for Pet Hair.